I have some big decisions to make in the next couple of weeks and I am humming and hahing and generally boring everyone stupid trying to make a decision on my future in my job.
I work for the government. For quite a while you would hear lots of jokes about disgruntled workers after there was a series of workers resigning via a gun. There is even a saying 'going postal' in American English slang, means becoming extremely and uncontrollably angry, often to the point of shooting people dead, usually in a workplace environment. I really understand how they would want to do that.
Who hasn't imagined that. It would be satisfying, in an only imagined and never followed through on way, to just take a gun and pop one into the head of your manager. Not that I want to do that because I don't have a gun and I changed workplaces and I didn't want to shoot anybody anyway. All though I did seriously consider for about 5 seconds running someone over but what can I say. It was my new car and I didn't want to get blood on it although there were quite a few other people in my workplace who would have helped me dispose of the body cause all you really need is a roll of chicken wire and some heavy weights so no embarrasing bits float off when you throw it in the river. Not that I've given it a lot of thought. They would have helped me clean my car but I watch NCIS and Abbey can always find a skerrick of blood and bang my ass is grass.
Those little details get you everytime. I quite like little details in my art life, I am going to get back to them soon. Life gets in the way though.
I am seriously thinking about demoting myself. I have been on a contract for the last year and the time is coming when I will have to bite the bullet and decide
if I stay at a lower level in a place where I am really comfortable or go back to the place I left last year.
I have been neglecting my creative side and I don't like that either. A Quandry indeed, my gut is saying one thing and my head is saying another. In the past my gut is usually right because sometimes my head is an idiot. I just need to get on with it. My neck is playing up too. Stiff necked isn't that another way of saying to stubborn for my own good. Maybe my body is trying to tell me something.
I need a little project that I will finish easily and quickly. Finish being the optimal word.